Beyond Small Talk: The Impact of Mastering Communication Types II

 In the previous blog to the series of Beyond Small Talk: The Impact of Mastering Communication Types I

https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2025/09/beyond-small-talk-impact-of-mastering.html

I have discussed about the communication as human attribute, communication types and more discussion about personal communication. In this article Beyond Small Talk: The Impact of Mastering Communication Types II I will discuss more about professional communication. So, to give preview to this

Types of communication:

There are two types of communication:

1. Personal communication

2. Professional communication. 

Professional Communication:

Personal communication is the basis of professional communication. The original personality is same which is in personal communication but in professional communication we may pretend something to be which we may not be like that. In the sense if any person is short tempered in personal life but somehow, he/she may try to control its anger while in professional communication. Either we call it professional communication or corporate communication. In personal communication how we talk with friends that may not be like that in professional communication. There are minute differences one should understand; like the differences between Hi and Hello, when to use which short words, how the verbal communication should be, how the nonverbal communication should be. How to set our boundaries to our communication? How to protect our self-esteem? How not hurting somebody else’s self-esteem? In a recent study it showed that 85% people in professional life are successful in their career not only by their talent, technical skills, managerial or leadership skills but by merely having the best communication skills.

You can refer this article from my blog site on initial corporate communication tips https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2019/03/corporate-communication.html. So, one should study, understand and implement the cautious communication modes in professional life. If you want to read more on professional communication tips you can read my these articles also from this blog site https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2024/07/corporate-communication-ii.html and https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2025/01/corporate-communication-iii.html. Much of the contents are being covered in these articles. So not writing again the same things for professional communication in this article too.

In personal communication I explained the language problem somebody has, or lack of knowledge due to lack of reading habit, lack of curiosity to learn new things, these things are interrelated so the person has weak vocabulary in any language. Due to weak vocabulary, doesn’t have mastery of language so the confidence to communicate is very low.  Vice versa low confidence severally affects the communication skill. So, the remedy for it is now communication skill is no more can be ignored. It is must to have the skill.  After improving the personal communication then having the best communication skill in any language. Then getting fluency in other language may not be that difficult. This is a lifelong process.

Good, Excellent or weak communication obviously doesn’t depend to any language, but depend on the person how it develops. There are lot of factors  associated with it. Even not only knowledge about any language or confidence but the person also should have zeal to communicate to others on necessary basis. Here i say necessary basis. Some people avoid to talk with others because they don't feel like entertaining unnecessary communications; that's completely ok. But in general in necessary communications the person should be effectively communicating with others. But some people avoid or not able to perform the necessary communications also. Now which is necessary communication that a person should be sensible enough to understand this. Apart from that the person should have enthusiasm in life to communicate on diverse topics with the people in his/her network. Or with the people he/she count on in his/her life.

First is like knowing yourself as a human being or a person. And it is very difficult thing. It is life long process. But once you achieved it to a good level there is nobody like you. And it is beneficial in your personal and professional life too. You should be knowing well, your nature, your stronger and weaker points, your sensitivity towards social causes or not, your aspirations, your goals, so your focus in your life. What you are looking for in your life. Whether you are craving for likeable, challenging work, lot of money, lot of fame, lot of recognition or true peace of mind. What defines success for you? What triggers your anger? Are you authentic or not? Do you give importance to ethical behavior or not? Or whether you think that there is something like ethics or not? Yes, these things matter a lot what you think, how you think in your professional life. Because you need to deal with real humans, with different natures, different mindsets on daily basis who can think like you. You should have better understanding of this. Like Aristotle said –

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom

Aristotle was the disciple of Pluto and Pluto was the disciple of Socrates. Socrates was one of the Primordial Masters of 11 Primordial Masters in the World and an ancient Greek philosopher from Athens who is credited as among the first moral philosophers of the ethical tradition of thought.

Knowing yourself is ultimately a beginning of a new wisdom for you. And because of that you get to know your self better and so you get clarity of your thoughts how you want you should communicate to people in your professional life. In professional life most of the time it happens that the employee is good in technical skills but very poor in communication. So that person should plan a schedule for himself/herself to improve on the communication skill. Now if I am writing this thereafter it is very difficult to implement this goal successfully for anybody. Because -

1. Human is good at giving excuses
2. It requires good amount of consistency
3. It requires sincerity with your goal
4. It requires need basis motivation for you to complete this goal

As somebody enters in professional life obviously the work gets piles up for that person and then the person gets lot of challenges to complete this goal with the existing work. So sincerity and consistency is utmost important to complete this goal. Then a motivation; now is there anything like motivation? Some people say yes and some will say ‘there is nothing like motivation’. But then how I take motivation as ? I feel that in any situation what worst can happen that you think and in order to avoid that worst what best you can do that is your motivation.

Till now in my professional life I have seen many people who were not good in communication but they improved on it with continually working on their communication skills. And some I saw if their communication skills were not good then also, they weren’t successful in improving it. Again, I think it works on priority basis too; how much one can give priority to it. If the person doesn’t have good communication skill then the person faces lot of challenges in their daily work as well as others face lot of challenges while working with such person. Some people have so weak communication skill that they can’t even say ‘No’ to the work which they are not willing to do it, out of their overloaded work, cut to cut bandwidths or whatever. I see the stress factor start here. But for saying;  the person himself/herself also should be knowing his/her strengths, weaknesses, limits etc. So again going to the starting point of knowing oneself.

Here i want to share my one experience from one of my past jobs in my early career. That time I was working as RedHat Trainer for RHCE certification. In one of my morning’s batches, one Engineering student was there. He just got the Engineering degree from MP University. Daily when I used to conduct the class, I used to ask some questions in between. And in my RHCE batches mixed group of students used to be there some Engineering passed out, some corporates and some quite elderly senior managers. And sometimes the batches used to be of IT and Non-IT engineers. So in the training sessions some used to answer the questions and some not. There was this student who used to sit in the corner of the class, sit last and never used to answer any question and always typing something on Computer. As RHCE training used to be practical, he used to execute those commands on his computer with me like other students. In this batch 15-20 students were there so most of them were not used to be notable to me. But I used to see that this student after every session after completion of the batch used to sit in the computer lab for the whole day to practice on the Linux machine. And lab was for students only so me as trainer also never used to interact with them unless they ask me any query. 

Daily I used to see him practicing there but I used to do my work and after that used to go from there. Then one day he came to me asking one query in Hindi and after interacting with him I understood there was serious problem with English language and so was talking in Hindi. I answered him in Hindi but I didn’t ask him that whether he has some problem talking in English language. So he told why he joined RHCE training and when me asking about his grade in Engineering something above 80% as well as his understanding of Linux topics were quite good though language was a problem. Surprisingly! So, I found him a brilliant person. Then he himself shared his problem that his English communication is very weak and he is not able to talk in English properly. So, he gets scared to talk in English. Till the time I am used to with this thing that some people have good grades in academics thereafter their English communication is not good. And he asked me to consult him for taking out his fear and improving his confidence of talking in English language. 

By communicating with him I understood that his communication skill was very poor and if his English communication will improve, he will do much well in his career. So, I suggested him some book and told him to follow 30 days exercises given in that book. And I told him that guaranteed his English communication will improve if he will religiously follow the book. He said ok, thanked me for the consultation and told me he will do it. Then I forgot this completely. Even he enrolled for RHCE certification exam and later I got to know he cleared the RHCE certification also. But I didn’t enquire also because it was my daily job that students use to take RHCE trainings, used to appear for RHCE certification exam and then till the time they themselves don’t tell the result I was not knowing their result.

Since I entered in my professional life I am active user of LinkedIn. In between around a decade in my career in my projects the workload was much that time if I was not much active on LinkedIn then at least I used to be there for 2-3 minutes to check what’s going around in IT market.  So like this once I logged in on LinkedIn, I got one ping on my LinkedIn account “Hi Mam, How are you?’. That time I used to be very busy with my project work so I was never finding that much time to answer random messages or mails so keenly on LinkedIn. So, I ignored it. Then after some days again I got ping from this person. Again, I ignored it. So after some days again I got ping from him. Surprisingly, I thought who is this? I checked the name, anyhow I was not able to recall who is this?  Checked the location it was from US and was working in some IT MNC with Linux as core skill. After that I replied him who is he? He told I am your that student whose communication skill was very poor and you suggested me one book I read it through. Religiously followed that book and now I am doing job in one IT MNC in US and settled down here. As he told this the entire incidence flashed in front of me, i smiled and I became so happy by reading this. At the same time i surprised that the person who once was struggling so much to talk English is working abroad with English as local language in IT MNC with Linux as Core skill. Then I got to know he cleared RHCE certification also. I became happy for that too. Because RHCE certification is quite tough and it is not anybody can do it. 

I believe that If somebody passing the computer engineering degree; entering in the corporate life and want to feel the IT professional pressure then that person should give the RHCE certification exam once in their life. It requires lot of dedication, hard work and better focus on completing the exam. The dedication should be of the type eat Linux, drink Linux and sleep Linux. It is not less than a goal. The exam is also complete practical exam of 5 and ½ hours. Looking at that person’s that time’s communication skill, I was not sure he will pass the certification. But he did it. I became very happy that he followed my advice and overcame his lack of communication skill problem. It gave me lot of satisfaction that it helped one life to excel in his career.  During my training career I have lot of examples like this but this example I felt like sharing because this person sincerely and dedicatedly worked on his communication skill and improved his communication and it changed his professional life for the best.

In this world if sincerity is matched with consistent and right efforts then improving professional communication skill in not big deal.

In this article i have discussed about professional communication in next article to this series i will discuss more about some factors which affect in general communication skill.

Beyond Small Talk: The Impact of Mastering Communication Types I

Communication is the most important part of human life, whether it is verbal, nonverbal, through gestures or through sign language. This is the era of communication. In this era when only talent is not sufficient but the person must have very good communication skill. So, I believe in this era any human being who has very good communication skill been very much prone to achieve earlier success in its life. As good communication skill is going to be additional advantage of being successful in his/her job/business.

Human gets the ability to speak, to convey its emotions or thoughts which differentiates him from animals. From human birth human get aware of modes of communication. When the child is of 1-2 years old it starts communicating with surrounding people either by words or by gestures and if the child is quick learner and good in picking up surrounding environment, then he/she starts speaking in that age too. When it tries speaking its vocabulary updates and it starts communicating more with the surrounding people.

Basically, what is communication? 

Communication in general is the process of conveying information to others by ideas, or feelings through various means, including verbal with words, nonverbal with gestures, and through written methods.

Those people who can speak they convey these feelings by words but those who can’t speak they use sign language to convey their feelings to others. As I told before that communicating our feelings to the surrounding world mainly differentiate human from animals. So how effectively human communicates to the surrounding people plays a very crucial role in his/her life.

When one person talks with another person and another person doesn’t respond then it is only speaking of one person, I don’t say it is really a communication. But when one person talks with another person and another person also responds accordingly with some kind of reply then it is called as conversation, it is the real communication. I give importance to this two-way communication or conversation. So ideally one should select to be in conversation and not only in speaking with another person. And for human it is always motivating when it is conversation and not only communication. For a normal human being when it is conversation that time, we find it engaging and motivating to communicate more. But when it is not, we get bored, irritated and we leave the talking. So, I always believe -

Like hearts; brains go there where they are appreciated

Looking back to 40 years I think communication trait was not much highlighted or popular. If somebody was talented then with discipline, patience, hard and smart work that person was finding it easy to become successful in business or in professional life. But since some years only intellect, hard and smart work is not the only important factor but one has to have very good communication skills with different modes. This i talked about business or professional life but I believe it is equally important in personal life also.

In context with this article, I will discuss some types of communication as well as some factors which affect the communication in general.

Types of communication:

There are two types of communication:

1. Personal communication

2. Professional communication. 

Now you’ll say what is to differentiate like this? It is just talking only in variation with location, people, person and situation. But no there is a thick line in between personal and professional communication.

The first base of any type of communication is the person having self-esteem, limited ego to protect his/her self-esteem, maturity and respecting others. One should be able to protect its self esteem. And about maturity; it is expected that as the person's age increases the person should be more mature in talking and understanding other's view points and to respond accordingly. 

Communication is such a crucial topic in human life; like books and books can be written on this. But many people tend to ignore this trait but some people work on themselves to polish this trait. After training to 1000s of professionals in IT for different technical skills I understood that in this era if you don’t have good communication skill rather, I would say best communication skill then you will find it very difficult to become successful in your career. So through introspection you need to plan a strategy for you to improve your communication skills. In my Mother tongue Marathi language there is saying goes on like this -

बोलणाऱ्याचे दगड पण विकले जातात, न बोलणाऱ्याचे सोनेही विकत नाही

It means that intelligent but sensibly talkative people can sell stones too but those people who stay silent or talk less if they sell gold then also nobody buys it. In other way the best communication skill give identification to your capabilities or to your caliber.

Personal Communication:

Daily we communicate in our family, with our friends, to the nearby shop keeper at the grocery store. etc.etc. Personal communication is the original communication type one has; means with family, with friends, to shops one communicates in its original form. I mean to say if the person itself has etiquettes, disciplined way of life, kind nature, aggressive nature, murmuring talks, short temper, gentle man/women traits, jolly nature, enthusiastic mind, optimistic way of living life then it all reflects in his/her communication. There one can’t pretend. So, in personal communication how we communicate that shows your original personality.

The second base of any type of communication is having good command over language. A rich vocabulary of words. But here after noticing keenly I would say first good command over local language/mother tongue because this is the language that one use it much. In India we have diverse cultures. This is beauty of India. Due to diverse cultures so many languages people speak. My Mother tongue is Marathi and if to talk about Marathi in every city in Maharashtra state you will find different variations of Marathi language. As well as in India as per the state changes the local language of that state changes. So, in India there are lot of local languages.

My primary and secondary education was in complete Marathi medium. Though that time there were many English medium schools around us but my parents had a very basic thought that as our mother tongue is Marathi ; we talk in Marathi so they should put me in Marathi medium school. We have many excellent Marathi medium schools in Pune also. And there this decision worked wonders for me as going further it really helped me a lot in my personal life, in my education and in my professional life. It actually developed more creativity in me. As well as overall growing me as a human being. So from primary till secondary, I was in Marathi medium school and from higher secondary to college I was in English medium school and college. So, in my childhood in my primary education, I had only one language to speak in family and in school and for education too. 

                       

When I was around 6-7 years old and I just started reading properly that time my father used to bring lot of books for me to read, comics, children’s story books, and this and that. And those were so many books that it helped me to get to reading habit and it increased my curiosity to read new things as well as it helped me to improve my reading quality, increased the vocabulary of the language and liking towards reading. This is the most expensive gift my father gave me in my life.  And when I look back, I found that this was really a blessing to me. It gave me very good command over Marathi language as well as increased my confidence also. It helped me to develop my personality from many aspects of my life. It gave me clarity of thoughts, improved my decision-making skill. With academics it gave me better understanding of many subjects like social, educational, mythological and spiritual. It developed a good personal communication for me. And even taking education in Marathi language didn’t create any barrier in my higher secondary and Engineering studies and not even in my IT career. That deep understanding of one language gave me enough confidence and so the command over other two languages (Hindi and English) also got developed in me. Today somebody hardly believes that I had my initial education in Marathi medium. 

                                                 

Afterall every parent thinks to give the best to their children. And by my personal experience i felt that it shouldn't matter for a child in which school he/she is taking education. Further the child gets success is completely depend on how the child develops his/her personality. As these are totally my personal thoughts. For the child to grow in a smoother way while retaining its childhood and trying to keep him/her away from stress.

Marathi itself is not easy language. It has a significant amount of its vocabulary and grammatical structure borrowed from Sanskrit. It says that when somebody is intelligent enough then that person can easily talk 3-4 languages like that. Marathi is one of that language which requires much concentration and grammatical correction as this language has many variations, artistic point of view, double meaning words and sentences.

The reason behind giving this background is ; did you notice anytime how small children communicates these days? The basis of personal communication is in childhood. Now if I discuss about children’s communication skill these days and if i will take example here that if the child’s mother tongue is one language in which he/she talks with family members then may be other language with friends and may be some different language for academics. Just think what that small child of 4-10 years of age is going through? So much stress he/she would be going through. The home vocabulary is different in one language, different in another language with friends and altogether different for academics. So basically, he/she might be thinking in one language and as per the opposite communicator’s language answering in different language. And anyhow as most of the people tend to ignore this problem with children and tell children to deal with it thinking that the child may not be paying attention in school or not studying or not good in picking up things. etc.etc. Obviously, there would be exceptions also. We tend to ignore problem at the core but try to fix it on the surface. 

Next to talk about their communication; such children then doesn’t get expertise either talking in mother tongue and not in any other language. Somehow, they manage to talk in one, two, three or four languages. These days when I talk with kids or children, teenagers or youngsters I find that either they are very silent, or don’t talk much or if they talk, they have to talk so much that in this hurry they miss some contents also what to talk. Means either this end or that end not the middle point. And some I find always struggle with words. I find they don’t become good either in their mother tongue and not in that language which they are taking education to explain what they mean too. I surprised that without much knowledge of that language then how they might be studying so I got to know most of them do the syllabus by heart only and not by understanding the core concepts and putting it in their own words. This is my understanding but that may be varied too. So then children with communication problem either become very silent or prefer to talk very less, and always have a fear of speaking something wrong and so somebody will laugh at them. As they grow up it becomes constant struggle for them to improve their communication skill. 

                           

And again, in which language they to improve the communication with? This confusion really affects their personal communication. In case if you have fear or talking any other language that you will speak something wrong and people will laugh then to overcome this fear you can practice talking in that language with your family, friends or not then in front of mirror and you can ask somebody good in that language to correct you. During this process if you fail to talk correctly then take it easy ; correct it and then simple better you laugh at you. Because in the process of learning a new language if the person talk wrongly then others may laugh at that person that fear the person must take out from his/her mind. I remember it is being said by somebody that –

Laugh at yourself before others laugh at you. So, they laugh with you, if they laugh at all

I will appreciate those who talk the broken language rather than not talking with the fear of somebody will make fun of them. At least making the efforts to talk that language shows the person is eager to learn that language.

So, the person can overcome the fear of others laughing at it. Basically, the child to get a very good command over the mother tongue first, which give them clarity of thoughts what to talk, what not to talk and how to talk. When they are rich in words, it gives them confidence to talk. That richness comes from reading lot of literatures from childhood. This is the parents’ responsibility to put the children to this habit. In this digital era of mobile, TV and Laptop;  the children should be drawn to the reading habit. And that to reading the paper cover books and not the online reading from Computer, Laptop or Mobile. Because we all know the disadvantages of over using these devices, although for reading the stuff also from it.

The third base of any type of communication is talking without any perception and without carrying any misinformation or any misunderstanding about somebody in mind.

In personal communication when you meet somebody and if have some perception about that person then does you get influenced by that perception and accordingly you talk with that person? And based on that perception you hate, love, envy or get jealous of that person? Then it’s completely wrong. You being your individual personality should be quite knowledgeable enough to understand things by yourself by interacting with the person and not to being influenced by some perception. So, try to never communicate with somebody based on the perception you have in mind. 

As well as when we talk with somebody, we should always deliver the true information. You can meet many people who get scared to talk the truth because they themselves get scared of truth. Truth may be bitter but it is always a good practice to tell the truth to others. It requires lot of courage to talk the truth. As well as it requires lot of courage to listen the truth too. Because that is only for the benevolence for you and for others. As Lord Shri Krishna said –

हितं वदे सत्यं वदे

Means one should always speak what is beneficial and what is truth. If the person has habit of talking the truth always ; then the person doesn’t have to memorize something what it said previously. But when the person talks lies over lies there is always possibility of putting so much brain work for that person to always find some ways to talk the lie. Or difficult to remember what lie it told previous time. Basically, it is one of the cunning attributes of human nature to talk lie. 

Science says that human can talk lie from 2 years of its age and if it is not being noticed, not educated or if corrected timely by parents then as the age increases the person becomes more and more skillful in talking lie. And if the same person gets this habit, then it is the major negative factor in that person’s communication skill. It could come from parents also. If the parents also talk lies and if the children notices then do whatever but children don't correct their this behavior. Some or other way they find to talk lies. After this when the child grows and when that person meets the like-minded people it is safe for it but when the person meets some authentic people then it is tragedy for that person. Because authentic people are altogether different chemical and they don't tolerate or don't get scared to uncover the false talking pattern of somebody. So, it is always better to have truthful talking habit. It requires strong ethics for it. This is about talking truthfully. But what about delivering the truth?

Lord Shri Krishna found that truth is the benevolence for the human being but human mind is finding it difficult to always accept the truth as it may be bitter to be heard or blunt or not to be likeable, so he changed that ; truth should be delivered either this way -

प्रियं वदे हितं वदे सत्यं वदे

Means try to deliver truth in a more pleasant or kindly manner and what that is beneficial. But speak the truth only.

Now about enhancing communication skill. In family when you talk, you should have somebody in your family with whom you can talk like a chatter box, may be your Mother, Father or siblings with whom you can share all the good and bad moments and experiences in your daily life, exchange your thoughts and opinions and the same time should be patiently listening to them too. People find friends outside that is ok. But your first friends are in your family itself. My Mother is my best friend in my family. People say with parents the children feel the generation gap but with my mother I never felt that generation gap and I found she is able to understand my thoughts properly. As well as I have been brought up in a family where I got the equal opportunity to share my thoughts, feelings, opinions with my parents and my elder siblings. So, it helped me a lot to explore my personal communication skill.

When you are in family you are in relations and the breath of every or any relation is transparent personal communication. I believe that most of our personal problems get resolved by better conversation between people in family. And when there is constant communication between family members that relation stays alive. But when or gradually the communication within family members starts decreasing or seems bothering or take place of misunderstandings; the time doesn’t stay far when the relationship dies. So the sign of a healthy, lively personal relationship is constant and transparent communication between the relations.

This is what about Personal Communication. In next article I will discuss about Professional Communication.

 

Managing Stress II

Disclaimer: This article doesn't suggest any medicinal things 

This article is in continuation of article ‘Managing Stress I’. Here is the link for the same https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2017/05/stress-management.html . In the previous article we have seen what is a problem, how stress is created out of the problematic situation. How to overcome mild stress symptoms and what is the general outlook and action plan should be to overcome it.

With continuation to this in this article we will see how the change in the lifestyle or some proven methods can help us to overcome stress in life.

Managing stress in life:

       a. Managing time

      b. Managing goals

      c. Managing relations with family and public

      d. Doing nothing at times

      e. How to stay happy while handling stress? 

a. Managing Time: 

We live in a competitive world. Most of the people are running in a rat race. There is one cartoon on rats with title 'Happy for money'. I once watched this cartoon on LinkedIn and found it quite interesting and the situation shown in the cartoon is same as the present human is running in competitive world. May be the rat race term came into use. That's why it is called most humans are running in rat race and so if you are not the one running in the rat race and focusing more on your self, your growth and your life living principles then you are lucky. I always believe that my competition is always with me only. And there could be lot of scope for improvement in various areas for me. Like i believe if you also think so then you are eliminating one stress factor from your life. But we see most of the people doesn't have patience to work hard and have general understanding of to work less and want results in instant time. In this if you are competing with others and part of rat race then it would be very energy exhaustive to you.  

Addition to that whether you are part of rat race or not everyone of us is somehow ignoring the peace of mind and physical health and wants to earn money and success. Everyone is complaining for time for completing the daily tasks. This creates stress. Take simple example of improper eating habits. Like reading newspaper while having breakfast, browsing mobile phone while eating food, eating in a hurry or eating lot of junk and processed food. Not following the meal time.

Improper and hasty eating habits lead to different deceases in the body. This affects the mood and the working efficiency also. Person feel uneasiness, dullness and easily get tired. We should manage our time in a proper way so that we should not be in a hurry at least while eating food, while going to office or work or while doing our daily tasks. Every work has to be given some grace time by knowing your  weaker points. So the haste part can be avoided. When we talk with some wise old people; if they used to understand something they should act on ; so that it shouldn't happen again, the old habit or something. But the problem of this era is today if the youngster understands the problem and solution for it thereafter not able to take proper action on it. So the old habit recurs again and again and it gets stuck in the vicious cycle. You should understand your shortcomings and accordingly need to work on it. It is really going to reduce the stress in a major way.  
Same things apply to invest time in arranging meetings and completing our daily tasks in desired time. I feel we really have to plan grace time for each activity. It is also important to prioritize our work. The work which we don't like and take lot of time. That work should be completed first. But sometimes you need motivation too on those days you can do the work which you like and so that can be done earlier too. This way person can help to reduce his/her stress in much bigger way which is induced by not managing time. 

b. Managing Goals: 

Every person has some goals in life. It is very important that everyone should have some planned goals in life. This really helps the person to go ahead in life effectively. Working without any direction in life is not going to give fruitful results so always work in the desired direction. This does not create stress in life or reduce the intensity of stress in life. We can plan for yearly goals, monthly goals and weekly goals. This is also helpful. Other way if some person has a habit of writing thoughts or future goals in diary this also helps the person a lot in order to track the progress of the goals and to fulfil the goals. So with this only jotting down goals in diary won’t help but we should follow it and check the progress timely. But we must plan realistic goals not the unrealistic goals. We as humans can’t live in fantasies always.  

 

c. Managing relations with family and public:

In previous time say we look back before 50 years or something we find that those people who were living life they were not knowing what stress is. Actually tension was the word which was quite far from them. But in today’s world we see that most of the people talk about tension. Again there are multiple reasons for having tension in life. But one of that is communication or conflict with family members or outside family. In general we are going far from our parents, our siblings, our best pals in communication; though mobile and internet has reduced the distance between our parents, our family members and our outside world. Thereafter whatever past communication used to happen from elders to youngsters in the family in order to make them feel that they have quite secure support in their home. This feeling has taken a bit unrealistic mode in today’s world. I can understand that for a working man/woman how 24 hrs. passes he/she does not understand. The tasks are many and the time gets is less. At least we have boon of science in terms of internet and mobile to reduce the distance between our family members. But still that more of a face to face communication has taken a backstep. So many children, teenagers and youths also go through stress. 

Indian relations are known in the world for their firm bonding in family with affection and love. And it is really important. It is really important to know that a person has a secure healthy support in family. Family bonding is very important whether it is with your parents, your siblings, your husband or wife or with your children. This also helps the person to build a stronger mind and fight against stress. (Here you must know who are your true well-wishers, not the pretenders ). A friendly support from a true or best friend or timely communication, interaction of thoughts, interaction on present job or business trends, talking on diverse topics, as well as on your problems in life with him/her also help to reduce stress in life.  

While dealing with public relations we must understand where we are heading, what we are dealing with. When we deal with new personality always keep a clear mind in terms of thoughts. Don’t jumble with perceptions. Read the person a lot on how he or she talks, behaves and possesses the thoughts. Then come to the conclusion. Don’t come to conclusion so early that for some negative conclusions you need to repent in future. As again judging is a play. Whether it is related to person or situation. And this play works entirely as your thinking capability, understanding and experiences in life. So in the starting better not to have perceptions instead have an open mind. How we grown up, what the manners and the brought up gave us, it also makes a good personality. A self made strong personality benefits a lot in this process. This way we start respecting ourself and others. Which help us to live life happily. Conflicts with other personalities make you irritated and also continuous interaction with such people creates stress in you. If it is a daily thing then really it is going to disturb your peace of mind. As far as possible you can try to ignore the person or situation. But if it is mandatory to deal with, then build your mind strong and face it in a better way. Better try to do changes which you can; in your circumstances as per requirement while sticking to your principles, morals and ethics. It is said that - 

We can't change others but we can change ourselves

So better be like this. When we deal with others keep in mind, the surrounding, the situation, your expectations and other’s expectations. You don’t need to be more submissive or aggressive but always try to protect your self esteem and other's self esteem. Know the difference between your self esteem and ego. This will make you a healthy personality which will make you to reduce conflict with others and so the stress would be less.

 d. Doing nothing at times:

You will laugh at this as doing nothing at times. But yes it is needed. You feel more productive at these times when you do nothing, spare moments. We may hear this that of continuously studying something or other, learning something or other etc. ..etc. But by continuously learning something or reading something and other ; this mere thing don't take you much ahead in your life. In order to minimize stress in life this factor is also important of doing nothing at some times in a day. That time you can stroll, watch trees, birds, animals without your reactions. Don't react and don't give your judgement at that time. Just watch. It could be watching anything without reacting to it. Spend leisure time. This also helps a lot to reduce stress.

e. How to stay happy while handling stress? 

We have seen some things to change in our daily life to reduce stressful situations. If stress does not happen it`s good , could be rare thing and bliss but if it happens regularly then need to handle it. First of all find out the situation which causes you frequent stress. If it is your anxiety, unnecessary fear try to take it out from your mind. In this try some activities like reading books as per your liking, playing different games, overcoming the fear, boosting the self-confidence, growing morally and ethically, acquiring some hobbies will help you to keep yourself happy. Reading is such a activity that you will lose nothing but gain knowledge in multiples of it. It is necessary for a human being to cultivate his or her thoughts. Reading on personality development, positive thinking, positive living life, improving communication this type of literature really help you to build your self esteem and overcome fear from your mind. 

Once you will get the cause for having stress for the reason note down the causes and effective action on that. Try to cultivate a heathy mind. I believe in this that -  

A healthy mind is in a healthy body

So always try to maintain your health in a proper way. Health is really wealth which makes us enjoy the beauties of life. God has created this beautiful world for all creatures. So never compromise with your health. Whatever God has given to human being in terms of health that's it. Try to take care of it by not overburdening it. Try to live a happy life while completing your daily work in a more effective way. 

Even instead of asking this question why me for any unpleasant situation rather search what positive can come out of that situation and face it boldly. Every situation in life will teach you something for you. Actually keep an attitude of thanking God for whatever he has given to you because if you see people around you, you may find that some are more cursed than you. It says that -  

There are one lac people daily who strive to live a life that you live today. So thank God for everything you get in life.  

So welcome the problems with big heart so that you can find out ways to your problems with much confidence and positivity. This way you are really going to have a happy time throughout. While living life it is very important to stay happy in mind, enthusiastic in mind, honest to your work, having healthy communication with all people you know. This type of behavior boosts your self esteem and makes you happy. Be realistic, have faith in God, don't become superstitious but have faith in God. Have confidence in whatever you do. Try to know yourself and live life which is truly honest to you. Don't lie to yourself but have true feelings about what you do. If you know yourself you don't need to explain yourself to some other one. This alone feeling is going to create immense joy in your life.

Being Happy In Life III

 In my previous articles of Being Happy In Life I (https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2016/10/being-happy-in-life.html) and Being Happy In Life II (https://chhayashinde.blogspot.com/2025/02/being-happy-in-life-ii.html) I have discussed certain things about staying happy in life, like setting goals in life and working towards in achieving it help us to retain happiness in life. Then owning your own decisions and working towards becoming the best version of yourself in this process.

Now continuing to this i will discuss some more thing which help us to sustain happniess in human life:

1. Developing an Happy Temperament:

It is very important to have happy go lucky outlook towards life. And it is very important trait in life. In the previous times the general belief was the more serious the face the more intelligent and wise the person is. So in most of the ancient photos we used to see those people were looking quite serious and not smiling. For many years i used to notice this then in one of the reading i got to know the reason behind this. But I believe the seriousness, intelligence and the wisdom doesn't have as such connection with it. Seriousness on face could be just a form of facial expression that some people born with serious face or some with smiling face. Sometimes we find that some serious looking people are clever or quite dumb and some people with smiling face are extremely wise or not so clever. Timely i understood that the more intelligent and truly wise the person is the more that person understands to stay happy in life. And this understanding and realization help us to stay happy in life. In short the importance of happniess in life. But it is not like this ; that building happy temperament task can be completed in one day only. One can't develop such temperament in one day and retain the happy state of mind. We need to develop such temperament by working on us continuously for a longer longer time. Staying happy always doesn't mean you should be laughing everywhere like that but a pleasant, contented and enthusiastic mind is more important. 

The roots of such temperament is in childhood. A child is like an earthen ball. How the parents, teachers and the surrounding circumstances mould it, it becomes like that. A child should be loved a lot in the family. Children should be taught discipline till 6 years of their age because during that time they are still copying the habits, actions from elders and the people around them. A child who gets lot of love in the family when grows up becomes the sweet person in the society and become truly likeable in the society. A child who is brought up properly without any insecurity or without lack of  love develops a secure heart in himself/herself. It means irrespective of the child is from poor or rich family it is expected to get love and good pampering from parents or parent. Such child when grow up understands the difference between what is to fear and what is not to fear in life. It helps the child to develop a fearless heart too. It is important to teach the children the importance of ethics in life. Living ethical life is a way to gain true happiness in life. Which i see missing these days and out of this only the child when grows up in a man/woman compromises the ethics to 'What's wrong?' to pamper their ego. And then this What's wrong turns into a horrible handling for that person, which leads to one type of continuous unhappiness in them. Constant communication of parents or parent with the children helps a lot in this process so the parents are expected to teach them importance of ethics, morals and not to follow silly trends. It helps the child to develop an ethical life. Constant communication of parents or parent with children lead them to become sensitive to the other's problems as well as help them to become the responsible citizen of the country. I believe that - 

In this era to live a life with values and principles is an expensive hobby of a person and anybody like that can't afford that. The special ethical person only can have it.

A fearless heart living with ethics and morals is easy to stay happy in life in the long run. One should be childlike, but not childish. The innocence like a child really helps the person in the life's journey. From the wise elders it understands to count his/her blessings in life, tries to become kind towards the less fortunate people in the society who are cursed by destiny, helps to become compassionate towards the other people. It is very important to become kind and compassionate towards others. But again there are limits to these good qualities also. Implementing these qualities in society make the person satisfied in life which help it to stay pleasant in mind. The child learns to embrace what God is given to him/her and it stays thankful to God for it. Teaching them importance of developing self esteem in themselves. A child or a person with low self esteem is prone to stay more often unhappy and underestimated. With this the children to be taught not to give too much importance to their ego. Teaching them to let go of some things while living life.

These days there is a new term is in picture that is 'Induced Poverty'. Some working parents can't spend much time with their children and they may try to fill up that space by giving them whatever they demands. So the constant communication with the children may be missing. As well as the children are getting whatever they ask for so they are not able to understand how difficult it is to earn money and so they are not able to understand that there is something like financial crunch situation also. So the induced poverty concept came. Those parents feel that they should make their children try to realize this thing by pretending in front of them that they lack of money, this is called induced poverty. If they are successful later in this ; the children understands that there is something like this also, money is not easily available and so it helps them to control their demands as well as to empathize to their parents in this process. It may doesn't lead the children to feel disappointed as they could understand this concept, so timely if their demands doesn't get fulfilled they engage their mind in some or other things also. But if they are not able to understand the induced poverty concept or the child is materialistically stubborn ; means if it wants something means it want it anyhow; as not able to care how it will get, then if their demands are not fulfilled then they may timely get very disappointed for their demands, become more stubborn, egoistic, aggressive and adamant to their demands and become nuisance to their parents. Actually the root cause is again in parents, siblings, friends or surrounding people also. 

2. Have Faith In God:

There would be different types of people in the world some who believe in God, some who doesn't believe in God. Some who believe in God and spiritual. Some who believe in God but not spiritual. Some who doesn't believe in God but practice some kind of meditation. Some who doesn't believe in God and not spiritual and believe in living the life without any values or principles. All the above types could be leading somewhere in life but i believe the last type is quite difficult because later in their life as they have goals to fulfill all materialistic demands in life, once that is about to complete later they don't understand what they would be doing next in their life. I personally have very strong belief in God. I believe one should have trust in God and should not believe in superstitions. The entire human beings in the universe are the children of The Primordial Mother i.e. Shri AdiShakti. As i  have borne in Hindu culture and got the spiritual knowledge from Hindu culture itself so can give references from Hindu culture itself. There is something as says to fear the God. It means one should fear the God for not doing any unethical or bad thing. Whatever or how much the highest academic knowledge any person gains the knowledge is incomplete without gaining the spiritual knowledge. The earlier in their life anybody understands this the easier life's journey is for that person. I am talking about the true spiritual knowledge. Spiritual knowledge should give the person the peace of mind from the chores happening in the life of the person as it gives understanding to the person what the lifestyle the person should adapt to gain peace of mind while fulfilling his/her devoirs as an individual. But i believe that while fulfilling these devoirs it is not needed to leave the family life and do austerity. While staying in family life and being with your parents, siblings, husband, wife or children you can practice spirituality. Only the thing is that the detachment part is more difficult during this but not impossible. Somebody like to explore this then the example is King Janaka ( Also called Raja Janak was a king in Hindu culture and Hindu epic Ramayana and a significant figure in ancient Indian history. 

He was the father of Sita.)  Raja Janak who was Saint inside but outside he was a king and living a family life as well as ruling the Mithila Kingdom. Raja Janak was the first incarnation of Shri Adi Guru Dattatraya on the earth. 

When the person has faith in God, it understands that there is some divine support system which can help it if it gets directionless in life, or something bad is going on in it's life. Even a simple faith in God work wonders for the person and it understands that it has blessings of God. Money is very important part of human life. But except earning money and running behind materialistic things all the time there is something more valuable in human life to put time into it also. It helps the person to live life religiously (here religiously doesn't mean sticking to particular religion. Here religiously means by following the principles of a human being; i.e. Human religion). Personally speaking since last 12 years i am practicing Sahaj Yoga meditation (Sahaja Yoga meditation can be practiced by anybody; a seeker after getting self realization from a Sahaja Yogi. The seeker could be of any age or gender, from any religion or from any country (https://www.sahajayoga.org.in/)). After starting with Sahaja Yoga meditation i understood that the spiritual knowledge is ocean itself and there is lot to learn from it. It makes the person enlighten. When Shri Krishna told Gita to Arjuna that time He understood that for spiritual understanding Arjuna himself is confused of what is dharma and adharma. And if it is the situation of the great warrior like Arjuna then what would be the situation of an ordinary human being so he explained everything in Gita to Arjuna which is ultimately to the entire humankind.

Scientifically it is proved that practicing meditation enhances the mood of the person, relieves stress, increases productivity and motivates the person to try different things in life. As well as the people who practices meditation are more happy than others who doesn't practice it. So those people who practice meditation they are easy to stay happy and can have very optimistic look towards life. Only it should be true meditation. Now the divine knowledge or true spiritual knowledge is always free. Because it is the knowledge you have with you from your birth. So nobody should charge you anything to teach you that knowledge. In India at present in many schools and colleges Sahaj Yoga meditation is being practiced. And Sahaj Yoga which is originated in India is already being practiced in 240 countries abroad outside India. It's good that people are having awareness towards this in life.