Beyond Small Talk: The Impact of Mastering Communication Types I

Communication is the most important part of human life, whether it is verbal, nonverbal, through gestures or through sign language. This is the era of communication. In this era when only talent is not sufficient but the person must have very good communication skill. So, I believe in this era any human being who has very good communication skill been very much prone to achieve earlier success in its life. As good communication skill is going to be additional advantage of being successful in his/her job/business.

Human gets the ability to speak, to convey its emotions or thoughts which differentiates him from animals. From human birth human get aware of modes of communication. When the child is of 1-2 years old it starts communicating with surrounding people either by words or by gestures and if the child is quick learner and good in picking up surrounding environment, then he/she starts speaking in that age too. When it tries speaking its vocabulary updates and it starts communicating more with the surrounding people.

Basically, what is communication? 

Communication in general is the process of conveying information to others by ideas, or feelings through various means, including verbal with words, nonverbal with gestures, and through written methods.

Those people who can speak they convey these feelings by words but those who can’t speak they use sign language to convey their feelings to others. As I told before that communicating our feelings to the surrounding world mainly differentiate human from animals. So how effectively human communicates to the surrounding people plays a very crucial role in his/her life.

When one person talks with another person and another person doesn’t respond then it is only speaking of one person, I don’t say it is really a communication. But when one person talks with another person and another person also responds accordingly with some kind of reply then it is called as conversation, it is the real communication. I give importance to this two-way communication or conversation. So ideally one should select to be in conversation and not only in speaking with another person. And for human it is always motivating when it is conversation and not only communication. For a normal human being when it is conversation that time, we find it engaging and motivating to communicate more. But when it is not, we get bored, irritated and we leave the talking. So, I always believe -

Like hearts; brains go there where they are appreciated

Looking back to 40 years I think communication trait was not much highlighted or popular. If somebody was talented then with discipline, patience, hard and smart work that person was finding it easy to become successful in business or in professional life. But since some years only intellect, hard and smart work is not the only important factor but one has to have very good communication skills with different modes. This i talked about business or professional life but I believe it is equally important in personal life also.

In context with this article, I will discuss some types of communication as well as some factors which affect the communication in general.

Types of communication:

There are two types of communication:

1. Personal communication

2. Professional communication. 

Now you’ll say what is to differentiate like this? It is just talking only in variation with location, people, person and situation. But no there is a thick line in between personal and professional communication.

The first base of any type of communication is the person having self-esteem, limited ego to protect his/her self-esteem, maturity and respecting others. One should be able to protect its self esteem. And about maturity; it is expected that as the person's age increases the person should be more mature in talking and understanding other's view points and to respond accordingly. 

Communication is such a crucial topic in human life; like books and books can be written on this. But many people tend to ignore this trait but some people work on themselves to polish this trait. After training to 1000s of professionals in IT for different technical skills I understood that in this era if you don’t have good communication skill rather, I would say best communication skill then you will find it very difficult to become successful in your career. So through introspection you need to plan a strategy for you to improve your communication skills. In my Mother tongue Marathi language there is saying goes on like this -

बोलणाऱ्याचे दगड पण विकले जातात, न बोलणाऱ्याचे सोनेही विकत नाही

It means that intelligent but sensibly talkative people can sell stones too but those people who stay silent or talk less if they sell gold then also nobody buys it. In other way the best communication skill give identification to your capabilities or to your caliber.

Personal Communication:

Daily we communicate in our family, with our friends, to the nearby shop keeper at the grocery store. etc.etc. Personal communication is the original communication type one has; means with family, with friends, to shops one communicates in its original form. I mean to say if the person itself has etiquettes, disciplined way of life, kind nature, aggressive nature, murmuring talks, short temper, gentle man/women traits, jolly nature, enthusiastic mind, optimistic way of living life then it all reflects in his/her communication. There one can’t pretend. So, in personal communication how we communicate that shows your original personality.

The second base of any type of communication is having good command over language. A rich vocabulary of words. But here after noticing keenly I would say first good command over local language/mother tongue because this is the language that one use it much. In India we have diverse cultures. This is beauty of India. Due to diverse cultures so many languages people speak. My Mother tongue is Marathi and if to talk about Marathi in every city in Maharashtra state you will find different variations of Marathi language. As well as in India as per the state changes the local language of that state changes. So, in India there are lot of local languages.

My primary and secondary education was in complete Marathi medium. Though that time there were many English medium schools around us but my parents had a very basic thought that as our mother tongue is Marathi ; we talk in Marathi so they should put me in Marathi medium school. We have many excellent Marathi medium schools in Pune also. And there this decision worked wonders for me as going further it really helped me a lot in my personal life, in my education and in my professional life. It actually developed more creativity in me. As well as overall growing me as a human being. So from primary till secondary, I was in Marathi medium school and from higher secondary to college I was in English medium school and college. So, in my childhood in my primary education, I had only one language to speak in family and in school and for education too. 

                       

When I was around 6-7 years old and I just started reading properly that time my father used to bring lot of books for me to read, comics, children’s story books, and this and that. And those were so many books that it helped me to get to reading habit and it increased my curiosity to read new things as well as it helped me to improve my reading quality, increased the vocabulary of the language and liking towards reading. This is the most expensive gift my father gave me in my life.  And when I look back, I found that this was really a blessing to me. It gave me very good command over Marathi language as well as increased my confidence also. It helped me to develop my personality from many aspects of my life. It gave me clarity of thoughts, improved my decision-making skill. With academics it gave me better understanding of many subjects like social, educational, mythological and spiritual. It developed a good personal communication for me. And even taking education in Marathi language didn’t create any barrier in my higher secondary and Engineering studies and not even in my IT career. That deep understanding of one language gave me enough confidence and so the command over other two languages (Hindi and English) also got developed in me. Today somebody hardly believes that I had my initial education in Marathi medium. 

                                                 

Afterall every parent thinks to give the best to their children. And by my personal experience i felt that it shouldn't matter for a child in which school he/she is taking education. Further the child gets success is completely depend on how the child develops his/her personality. As these are totally my personal thoughts. For the child to grow in a smoother way while retaining its childhood and trying to keep him/her away from stress.

Marathi itself is not easy language. It has a significant amount of its vocabulary and grammatical structure borrowed from Sanskrit. It says that when somebody is intelligent enough then that person can easily talk 3-4 languages like that. Marathi is one of that language which requires much concentration and grammatical correction as this language has many variations, artistic point of view, double meaning words and sentences.

The reason behind giving this background is ; did you notice anytime how small children communicates these days? The basis of personal communication is in childhood. Now if I discuss about children’s communication skill these days and if i will take example here that if the child’s mother tongue is one language in which he/she talks with family members then may be other language with friends and may be some different language for academics. Just think what that small child of 4-10 years of age is going through? So much stress he/she would be going through. The home vocabulary is different in one language, different in another language with friends and altogether different for academics. So basically, he/she might be thinking in one language and as per the opposite communicator’s language answering in different language. And anyhow as most of the people tend to ignore this problem with children and tell children to deal with it thinking that the child may not be paying attention in school or not studying or not good in picking up things. etc.etc. Obviously, there would be exceptions also. We tend to ignore problem at the core but try to fix it on the surface. 

Next to talk about their communication; such children then doesn’t get expertise either talking in mother tongue and not in any other language. Somehow, they manage to talk in one, two, three or four languages. These days when I talk with kids or children, teenagers or youngsters I find that either they are very silent, or don’t talk much or if they talk, they have to talk so much that in this hurry they miss some contents also what to talk. Means either this end or that end not the middle point. And some I find always struggle with words. I find they don’t become good either in their mother tongue and not in that language which they are taking education to explain what they mean too. I surprised that without much knowledge of that language then how they might be studying so I got to know most of them do the syllabus by heart only and not by understanding the core concepts and putting it in their own words. This is my understanding but that may be varied too. So then children with communication problem either become very silent or prefer to talk very less, and always have a fear of speaking something wrong and so somebody will laugh at them. As they grow up it becomes constant struggle for them to improve their communication skill. 

                           

And again, in which language they to improve the communication with? This confusion really affects their personal communication. In case if you have fear or talking any other language that you will speak something wrong and people will laugh then to overcome this fear you can practice talking in that language with your family, friends or not then in front of mirror and you can ask somebody good in that language to correct you. During this process if you fail to talk correctly then take it easy ; correct it and then simple better you laugh at you. Because in the process of learning a new language if the person talk wrongly then others may laugh at that person that fear the person must take out from his/her mind. I remember it is being said by somebody that –

Laugh at yourself before others laugh at you. So, they laugh with you, if they laugh at all

I will appreciate those who talk the broken language rather than not talking with the fear of somebody will make fun of them. At least making the efforts to talk that language shows the person is eager to learn that language.

So, the person can overcome the fear of others laughing at it. Basically, the child to get a very good command over the mother tongue first, which give them clarity of thoughts what to talk, what not to talk and how to talk. When they are rich in words, it gives them confidence to talk. That richness comes from reading lot of literatures from childhood. This is the parents’ responsibility to put the children to this habit. In this digital era of mobile, TV and Laptop;  the children should be drawn to the reading habit. And that to reading the paper cover books and not the online reading from Computer, Laptop or Mobile. Because we all know the disadvantages of over using these devices, although for reading the stuff also from it.

The third base of any type of communication is talking without any perception and without carrying any misinformation or any misunderstanding about somebody in mind.

In personal communication when you meet somebody and if have some perception about that person then does you get influenced by that perception and accordingly you talk with that person? And based on that perception you hate, love, envy or get jealous of that person? Then it’s completely wrong. You being your individual personality should be quite knowledgeable enough to understand things by yourself by interacting with the person and not to being influenced by some perception. So, try to never communicate with somebody based on the perception you have in mind. 

As well as when we talk with somebody, we should always deliver the true information. You can meet many people who get scared to talk the truth because they themselves get scared of truth. Truth may be bitter but it is always a good practice to tell the truth to others. It requires lot of courage to talk the truth. As well as it requires lot of courage to listen the truth too. Because that is only for the benevolence for you and for others. As Lord Shri Krishna said –

हितं वदे सत्यं वदे

Means one should always speak what is beneficial and what is truth. If the person has habit of talking the truth always ; then the person doesn’t have to memorize something what it said previously. But when the person talks lies over lies there is always possibility of putting so much brain work for that person to always find some ways to talk the lie. Or difficult to remember what lie it told previous time. Basically, it is one of the cunning attributes of human nature to talk lie. 

Science says that human can talk lie from 2 years of its age and if it is not being noticed, not educated or if corrected timely by parents then as the age increases the person becomes more and more skillful in talking lie. And if the same person gets this habit, then it is the major negative factor in that person’s communication skill. It could come from parents also. If the parents also talk lies and if the children notices then do whatever but children don't correct their this behavior. Some or other way they find to talk lies. After this when the child grows and when that person meets the like-minded people it is safe for it but when the person meets some authentic people then it is tragedy for that person. Because authentic people are altogether different chemical and they don't tolerate or don't get scared to uncover the false talking pattern of somebody. So, it is always better to have truthful talking habit. It requires strong ethics for it. This is about talking truthfully. But what about delivering the truth?

Lord Shri Krishna found that truth is the benevolence for the human being but human mind is finding it difficult to always accept the truth as it may be bitter to be heard or blunt or not to be likeable, so he changed that ; truth should be delivered either this way -

प्रियं वदे हितं वदे सत्यं वदे

Means try to deliver truth in a more pleasant or kindly manner and what that is beneficial. But speak the truth only.

Now about enhancing communication skill. In family when you talk, you should have somebody in your family with whom you can talk like a chatter box, may be your Mother, Father or siblings with whom you can share all the good and bad moments and experiences in your daily life, exchange your thoughts and opinions and the same time should be patiently listening to them too. People find friends outside that is ok. But your first friends are in your family itself. My Mother is my best friend in my family. People say with parents the children feel the generation gap but with my mother I never felt that generation gap and I found she is able to understand my thoughts properly. As well as I have been brought up in a family where I got the equal opportunity to share my thoughts, feelings, opinions with my parents and my elder siblings. So, it helped me a lot to explore my personal communication skill.

When you are in family you are in relations and the breath of every or any relation is transparent personal communication. I believe that most of our personal problems get resolved by better conversation between people in family. And when there is constant communication between family members that relation stays alive. But when or gradually the communication within family members starts decreasing or seems bothering or take place of misunderstandings; the time doesn’t stay far when the relationship dies. So the sign of a healthy, lively personal relationship is constant and transparent communication between the relations.

This is what about Personal Communication. In next article I will discuss about Professional Communication.